четверг, 30 октября 2008 г.

Why Are Wedding Dresses White?


Son asked his mother the following question:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

вторник, 21 октября 2008 г.

Toilet Talk

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?'

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.'

After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?'

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?'

The next thing I heard him say was 'sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some idiot in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say.'

пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

dogs and weight-loss drugs

There's a weight-loss pill called Xenical that works by stopping 30% of the fat you eat from being absorbed. I always thought that one of the reasons for its success is not because it reduces your intake, but because it penalises you so harshly for eating fatty foods: you get Fatty Anal Leakage. Not oily turds. You literally leak shitty oil. Now that the context is set, on to the story.

This was told me by my ex who is a dietician. One of her clients had dropped a Xenical pill, and thought no more of it. Unbeknownst to her, the family pet terrier had eaten it and gotten on with its usual doggy life - that is, eating fat-laden dog food...

She came home to the most disgusting smell, and to find the highly distressed terrier pulling itself around with its front legs, smearing its shitty arse up and down their carpet. I can only imagine the reek of fatty dog turd spread over an entire room... or the look on the poor dog's face.